I do not deserve a fellowship with a full ride, stipend, and benefits to a doctorate program.
I do not deserve to make a real and meaningful difference in my career path.
I do not deserve all of the opportunities I've been given throughout my life.
I do not deserve God's life-giving, awe-inspiring, unrelenting grace and forgiveness. I do not deserve to live while Jesus had to die.
...
Lately I've been thinking a lot about our pasts and how that relates to our now.
The other night, Jack and I had a conversation about this trying to reconcile our thoughts and understand what God really thinks. I've been under this understanding that our past is our past; we sin and we are forgiven. But as humans, the "forgive but don't forget" mantra is so deeply engrained in our minds that it is almost impossible to see life without our past mistakes. We know we are forgiven. We know we are changed. But our past is still a part of us, right? I've been thinking that who I am today is because of the things I've been through and what I've had to overcome. That I am better able to connect with others because of those things. That there is value in my past because it provides me with perspective.
But God says that our sins are erased; they are as far from us as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). [see Jack's post on the topic] "There is now no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).
Well those are completely different ideas. Either our past is good or our past is removed from us. It can't be both. I was struggling with which was the truth. So in our conversation the other night, we talked about the differences and similarities, and asked God what He thought.
Here's the thing:
I was living as if I am still a burden. Like God has forgiven me because He has to, not because He wants to; like my sins are forgiven, but not forgotten. That's just not true!
My sins and my mistakes were not good. They never will be. The only reason my past has any value at all is because it is a constant reminder of God's infinite, incomprehensible, undeserved grace. I don't deserve any of the things I've been blessed with. But because God is my dad and I am His favorite (and you are too), He wants to lavish me with love. I am His daughter and He loves me. It doesn't make sense to us because we live in this world and things are not that simple here, but my sins are gone. They are deleted. It's like a canvas miraculously made blank and ready to display a brand new masterpiece.
Because I am forgiven, because God has deleted all those things I've done and sees me as pure and innocent, He gets to just pour out His love on me. I still do not deserve all of the amazing things He does for me, but He sees me as worthy. I'm not a burden that He just has to forgive, but His daughter that He wants to forgive and He does so willingly.
The parable of "the Good Shepherd" is one you are probably familiar with. Jesus says, "I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." - John 10:9-11
But just a few verses further down is what sticks out to me today. He says, "No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again.” John 10:18
He chose to lay down His life for us. He didn't have to, but He wanted to!
He sees us as His own and He sees us as valuable and worthy (Matthew 10:29-31). He is pleased to give us His kingdom (Luke 12:32), He wants to give us good gifts (Matthew 7:9-11), He would trade all of creation for us (Isaiah 43:2-4), and He tells us we are no longer "wandering exiles" but are now being built into His holy temple in which God is at home (Ephesians 2:19-22). All we have to do is believe in Him (John 3:16). If you are a believer and follower of Christ, you are forgiven. You are made new! You are a blank canvas, ready to display God to others, not because of your past, but because of God's incomprehensible, infinite, amazing love and grace.
It's like this... Do you have any of those moments from when you were a kid that you sometimes look back on and cringe so hard about? Maybe you teased someone in middle school or yelled a little too hard at the dog or let a fish die because you forgot to feed it for a week. Something will trigger these memories and you can still feel that pain so vividly. It's like you are right back there, experiencing it all over again. Typically we brush it off as "I was just a kid and I didn't realize what I was doing" or something along those lines. But if you've ever let that thought linger, and think about what you could've done differently, it can easily ruin your day (or week). This is what it's like when you refuse to let God completely remove those sins from your life. They could be gone. They are gone.
Deleted.
Wiped clean.
Forever erased.
You don't have to let your past sins speak words of pain and death and sorrow to your heart.
You are God's now. Choose to hear His words that bring life and hope and joy. You are forgiven.
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